I wish I could stay this way forever

It’s been a long summer..

Sadly the summer “sighing” continues. No. That’s not close to being accurate. Incredibly, the summer sighing took a turn for the worse these past weeks.

Irene came to visit, even though she wasn’t invited and, like many uninvited guests, overstayed her welcome by keeping us without power for 6 full days. The worst we suffered was the emptying of our fridge and freezer, our sanity tested and the strong likelihood that I grew even more gray hairs worrying about deadlines for Hedy’s book and my own new book. We were lucky. Our house was fine and dry, the kids were fine and the dogs were bored but understanding.

Alex came home from Nantucket, the frig was replenished with the important stuff (butter, cream and wine, in case you were wondering), laundry was being done, Alex headed up to Boston for a friend’s birthday and Tierney got off to college on time (and left her room pretty darn clean!). Barb helped pull together my #Baketogether round up & post the next recipe #IreneCookies. Ok, I thought, a fresh start. September is going to be a great month with lots of baking and writing and catching up with my boy who has been gone all summer.

I woke Wednesday 9/7 having had the most vivid dream about my Mom who passed away on 9/9/79. It was a warm, lovely dream that stuck with me all day, making me smile and teary all at once. I dreamt that my mom was lying on my bed with her legs covered with her orange throw and my little dog Cricket curled up on her pillow by her head. I was seated on the bed down by her knees. I spoke the only words of this short dream. As I leaned over her legs hugging them and said “I could stay this way forever.” Of course, dreams being dreams, much of this didn’t make sense as she died 32 years ago and therefore never saw my house or met Cricket but what was and is true was that I spoke the truth.. I wish I could stay there forever…

me and Mom, 1976 .. check out those rad sunglasses – I swear I have the same exact ones:

That evening, Alex came home from Boston in time for a late (for me) dinner and while we were eating the dogs were out doing what they do: patrol the back 40. What happened that evening is still surreal to me yet, sadly, I face the stark reality of it.

Joe and Cricky:

Joe was barking out towards the woods behind the house – not a crazy bark but still.. I went to call them both in with a cookie bribe attached to the invite. Normally this works like a charm, especially for Cricket who even comes racing in with a slight tap on the window pane. But not tonight… I gave them a few more minutes and, flood lights flicked on, I tried again from a different door. I saw Joe in the distance and very faintly heard Cricket’s dog tags clicking together so I walked towards that tiny sound. And there, just outside our family room doors and in front of our woodpile I caught the glint of Cricky’s eyes staring at me and blinking. She was on the ground, not moving and then I saw blood.

Thank God Alex was home – he was a rock. My rock. He stood with Cricket while I gathered towels and hustled Joe inside – who did NOT want to come in and leave his bff. Alex manned the wheel (on I 95 no less) and drove us to the emergency vet, while I held and soothed our little Cricket. He drove strong and steady even though knowing, I think, that she had already died in my arms. He caught me as I all but collapsed when the doctor confirmed our worst fears. He took point on this shit storm that followed and took control. He held me, called his father, held me some more while we both moaned and sighed. At one point I asked him.. “Did this really just happen? Really?” He solemly said.. “yes really, Mom, really.”

I have no idea how long we were at the vets. I don’t think it was long but Alex stated that neither of us should be driving home in our state so he had me call friends to retrieve us and the car. He was right, of course, we weren’t in any way capable of driving.

Home again with our friends at our side and our Joe was confused. Shit… so was I. I had no voice, no energy, nothing but a strong desire to fold like a cheap suit or throw-up – maybe both. Yes, definitely both. Chris was driving back from Philly and thought we should wait to call Tierney in the morning. I felt as her mom, I should be calling her but my friend Jen rightly so, said that I should not call T as I might just scare her. She was right and Alex played point again.. He said “I’ll call T. We are a family and this happened tonight and we need to all be on the same page and deal with this together as a family.” Alex was a leader and a strong compassionate man that night. He will be a wonderful father and husband. My boy has grown into an amazing man.

We have spent the next days in and out of tears as I’m sure we will for many many days and years to come. Joe seems sad – he’s never been an “only” dog before but we are comforting him as well as each other knowing that grief comes in waves and that it’s best to let those feelings wash over us and accept them.

Today, 9/9/11, I sit here working in the library, thinking about the 32nd anniversary of my Mom’s death, the sorrow of loosing Cricket in such a sudden and violent way, the scores of people who lost so much with Irene, the earthquake, the tragic deaths of Mikey, Ed and Alex’s friend Will along with the families and loved ones they left behind and I keep going back to the dream I had the other morning about my lovely Mom and my beloved Cricket. I wish I could stay there forever.

I’ll leave you with a recipe that I know my Mom would have loved. Actually, it’s my Summer Cake #baketogether cake that I never got around to posting. This is the type of cake that my Mom loved – simple, not too sweet and elegant. And, I know that Cricket loved every crumb that she licked up off the floor..

And then there’s 9/11/11..
A

Summer Fruit Cake ~MY Way

Makes 10 servings.

1 1/3 cups (6 ounces) all purpose flour
1/3 cup finely ground cornmeal
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon table salt
8 tablespoons (4 ounces) unsalted butter, softened
1/2 cup (3 1/2 ounces) granulated sugar
1/2 cup (3 1/2 ounces) firmly packed light brown sugar
2 large eggs, at room temperature
1 1/2 teaspoons finely grated fresh ginger
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2/3 cup (5 1/2 ounces) buttermilk

For the Fruit topping:
3/4 pint (9 ounces) raspberries AND blackberries
1 tablespoon granulated sugar
1 tablespoon all purpose flour

For the Streusel:
1/3 cup +1 tablespoon all purpose flour
3 tablespoons firmly packed light brown sugar
1/4 rounded teaspoon ground ginger
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened

Position an oven rack on the middle rung. Heat the oven to 350°F degrees. Lightly grease the bottom and sides of a 9×2-inch round cake pan. Lightly flour the sides and line the bottom with a parchment or nonstick baking circle.

In a medium bowl, whisk the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt until well blended. In a large bowl, beat the butter, and sugar with an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment on medium-high until well blended, about 3 minutes.  Add the eggs, one at a time, beating on medium speed until just blended. Add the ginger and vanilla along with the second egg. Using a wide rubber spatula, fold the dry ingredients and the sour cream alternately into the butter mixture, beginning and ending with the dry ingredients. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan and spread evenly.  Bake for 18 minutes.

After you put the cake in the oven, make the fruit and streusel. For the Fruit: Combine the raspberries, blackberries, sugar, and flour in a small bowl. Using a table fork, mix the ingredients together to evenly coat the fruit and lightly crush the fruit. For the Streusel: Combine flour, sugar and ginger in a small bow and mix until blended. Add the butter and smoosh it into the flour mixture until combined. Pop the bowl into the freezer while the cake bakes.

After the cake has baked for 18 minutes, working quickly, slide the oven rack out and scatter the fruit evenly over the top of the cake and the sprinkle the crumb on top. Continue baking until a toothpick or cake tester inserted in the center of the cake comes out clean, about another 23 to 25 minutes.

Transfer the cake to a rack to cool 15 minutes. Run a knife around the inside edge of the pan to loosen the cake.  Using a dry dishtowel to protect your hands, place a wire cooling rack on top of the cake pan and, holding onto both rack and plate, and invert the cake. Lift the pan up from the cake. Peel away the parchment. Place another wire rack or flat serving plate on the bottom of the cake and flip the cake one more time so that the fruit is on top. Serve warm or at room temperature.
Storage: Cover the baked and cooled cake in plastic wrap and stow at room temperature for up to 5 days.

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