I’m so happy I have the time this month to bake with all of you – it’s been too long. We’ve had a few early  entries for this month’s cheesecake #baketogether and I’m looking forward to seeing more in the days to come. I wanted to be sure to get this recipe to you before Valentines Day so please excuse the ‘in your face” shot. I’m off to NYC for the Cookbook Conference at the Roger Smith Hotel for the next couple of days but, hopefully, my family won’t have eaten them all up and I can try for a better looking pic on Sunday.

These little 3 or 4  bite coffee-infused cheesecakes were inspired by a recipe in my upcoming cookbook – Mini Treats & Handheld Sweets ~ 100 desserts to pick up and eat (Taunton Press, 9/2012) . Like the minis in the book, this recipe takes on the big flavor and luscious texture of a whole cheesecake yet down-sizes it into small-sized treats. I’ve also scaled the recipe back so it yields 8 minis – modest for a cheesecake but perfect for serving a small group. Of course, if you are feeding a larger group or just want a few extra to pop in the freezer, feel free to double the recipe.

I think I said pretty much everything I had to say about cheesecakes in the original post so I’ll just add a word or two about the flavoring here.  I used the store bought coffee liqueur Kahlua but you can use any coffee flavored liqueur or you can even make your very own liqueur using my friend Barb’s recipe. I also used instant espresso granules but you can use instant coffee, even decaf, if you prefer.

Also.. if you have any topics that you’d like to see for future #baketogethers, please leave them in the comments section or drop me a line abby@abbydodge.com .

Wishing you all sweet things,

A

I’ve been dreaming (and talking) about this #baketogether subject for months and I am so happy it’s finally February and I can post Cheesecake ~Your Way.

I’m expecting big twists from everyone for this month’s recipe. Hey, no pressure but .. I know cheesecake devotees are a loyal, opinionated and vocal group and the mere mention of cheesecake will immediately elicit as many opinions as there are voices. You know who you are. Some like their cheesecake filling dense, sweet and rich; some like it fluffy, tangy and light and still others prefer an Italian –style ricotta filling and that doesn’t begin to cover the zillions of different filling flavors, shapes, crusts, sizes, toppings and combinations there are to choose from. The beauty of my version of the classic is it’s chameleon-like personality – one recipe can take on the attributes of everyone’s personal favorites making it, perhaps, the perfect #baketogether recipe.

Let’s start with a quick rundown about this recipe:

This cheesecake consists of two, simple to prepare elements – crust and filling – making it a perfect recipe for all skill levels including newbie bakers.
⁃    The crumb crust can be made from any type of crisp cookie. Grahams, gingersnap and chocolate cookies are the norm but most markets and gourmet shops offer a wide variety so feel free to experiment. You’ll need a 9-inch springform pan. If you k=don’t have one, well, I think you should. The only skill needed  here is to press the crumbs into the pan with just your fingers, plastic wrap and a flat-bottomed mug or measuring cup.

⁃    The filling is just as easy but there are a few tricks to making a luscious filling that bakes without cracking. First off, for a smooth filling, be sure to start with fresh (not old and expired), softened cream cheese and beat it, scraping down the sides and beater frequently, until no lumps remain. Once you start adding other ingredients, it is difficult to get rid of those pesky lumps without overworking your filling which can cause it to over puff and crack during baking and cooling (not good). Also, be sure to follow the doneness test and remove the cake when it wiggles like jello when nudged, the edges are puffed and the center still looks wet. The cake will continue to cook as it cools.

⁃    For BIG vanilla flavor, I use vanilla beans to flavor the filling. If you don’t want to fuss with scraping the seeds from the bean but you still want those pretty little seeds, you can use vanilla bean paste.Or, of course, you can just use pure vanilla extract.

OK..  how about a few suggestions for making this recipe your own:
⁃    Change the shape: Make it bigger or smaller. Make it a tart  (I think I will) or Bars or Minis or how about a V-Day cheesecake for two.
⁃    Change the filling: Swap out the sour cream and add just about the same amount of of the ingredients like dulce de leche, pumpkin, peanut butter, ricotta, fruit puree or chocolate
⁃    Add more flavors: Match citrus; espresso powder; booze; ground spices with your filling to take it to the next level
⁃    Add a topping: This can add complexity to the cake as well as some high-wattage star power to the cake’s presentation. Anything from caramel /chocolate sauce to sweetened crème fraiche or fresh fruit to a bruleed sugar crust. Remember, this is the icing on your cake.

Here at #baketogether, we love all shapes and flavors equally so put on your thinking caps and start planing Cheesecake ~Your Way right now. If you need further guidance or inspiration, give me a holler or check out the options for a similar cheesecake I did for Fine Cooking a few years back.

xx A

A few #Baketogether reminders:

• Use this recipe as your starting point and twist and turn it anyway you’d like.
• In your post, link back to my original recipe & invite your readers to join our #baketogether – the more the merrier!
• Post your version & pix on your blog, Twitter & Instagram and FB pages by Feb 29 (or there abouts)  so we can all see your version.
• Tweet & post  Loud & Proud and we will all join in to share your wonderfulness with our readers, friends and followers.
• Leave me a comment so I know you’ve posted & don’t forget to use the linky thingy to add your post (below) for the round up.
• If you don’t have a blog, you can still join in the fun. Email me a pic & your switch-ins and I’ll add ‘em to the post.

Lastly..

A couple of pix to help:

Line the bottom of the springform pan and clasp the outer ring onto the bottom, leaving the excess foil on the outside. This will come in handy for moving the cheesecake from the pan to a serving plate.

Cover the crumbs with plastic wrap and use your finger to press the crumbs to the sides of the pan. The plastic keeps the crumbs in the pan and off your fingers.

Use a flat bottomed measuring cup to press the crumbs onto the bottom and edges of the pan — still using the plastic:

And cheesecake on a serving plate:

After more than a month’s worth of sweet, holiday baking, I’m ready to bake something savory, something comforting and perhaps even therapeutic to make. I bet you might be as well. So… the first #baketogether of 2012 is …. BREAD!

I know there are some folks that claim they are “yeast challenged”, but I really believe that this bread will change how you look at those packets of yeast. Who knows, this recipe might even be life altering. It’s that easy to make and that good to eat.   This soft, slightly sticky dough is easy to handle and it bakes up into a heavenly, aromatic, buttery, soft crusted round with a porous, chewy texture. Sliced into thick pieces, it’s delicious slathered with butter or jam, makes amazing toast and hearty sandwiches or is the perfect partner to  a warm winter stew. You will want to eat this bread everyday. Really.

Let’s start with a quick rundown about this recipe and what you’ll need to have on hand to be successful:

•    A version of this recipe originally appeared in my book The Weekend Baker and is inspired by a bread I used to make when I ran the bakery at Hay Day Country Market (now Balducci’s) in Greenwich, Connecticut. The “peasant bread” was so popular that it regularly sold out faster than we could bake it – THAT good. What makes this recipe different from other yeast-risen breads is that I’ve teamed a bit of baking powder with the yeast to give the bread it’s chewy, airy quality.

•    This recipe calls for “instant” yeast not cake or regular granulated yeast. You can substitute these other types of yeast BUT make sure you adjust the water temperature and method accordingly as all yeasts do not play the same.

•    Use an accurate instant read thermometer. Take a reading of boiling water. Your thermometer should register 212°F. If not, adjust the temperature goal accordingly. All yeasts are very temperature sensitive and need the proper warmth to activate.

•    For the roundest shape, use an 8-inch round cake pan.

•    No stand mixer? Give me a hollah and we’ll go through the hand-mix method.

OK..  how about a few suggestions for making this recipe your own:

•    Change the shape! Make it rolls. Make it a traditional loaf.  Make it square.

•    Change the flavor! Cheese? Herbs? Black pepper?

Here at #baketogether, we love all shapes and flavors equally so put on your thinking caps.

A few How-To snaps that might help you:

After its first rise, shape the dough into a nice round and center it in a buttered 8-inch cake pan.

After rising, the dough will fill the pan:

And  will be  about 2″ above the rim in the center:

You all know the #baketogther drill, right? Use my recipe as a starting point and spin, twist and change it in any and every way you want. Take some snaps, write a post including info about #baketogether & links to this recipe and let us all know what you’ve created using all our fave social media (twitter, FB, instagram.. what have you). Once you’ve posted your version, leave your link below the recipe in this post so that we can all see and make your fab variations as soon as you’ve posted!

So, for now, I wish you all a very health and happy New Year and I’m looking forward to us all baking together in 2012.

Abby

Via drbabs: made w 1/3 cup white WW flour, 1 oz wheat germ, cinnamon, raisins & walnuts

Via RockiePie258

Via Cakewoman:

Holiday Cookie Season is here!

I know.. we all have a zillion cookies recipes forced on us every holiday season and I had vowed never to to do so but.. two things happened last week that made me change my mind.

First, I saw that my friend Lora over at CakeDutchess.com was doing a #cookielove link up and I couldn’t resist. Lora has a heart as sweet as the desserts she makes and as big as the entire holiday season — I mean, who wouldn’t want to join her holiday cheer cookie love?

Adding to my holiday cookie love, I attended the 2nd Anuual NYCookieSwap this past Sunday. Last year’s event brought 20 of us together but this year, the party grew to 70+! Hosted by the amazing team of Gail, Maggy, Ken and Jackie, this year’s event took place at Hill Country in NYC (AMAZING FOOD – go there asap) courtesy of the smart and talented Elizabeth Carmel and was a fundraising event for Cookies for Kids Cancers. Let’s see.. Amazing cause, incredible cookies, yummy BBQ and a room full of food loving folk. That’s my kind of party. It was so great to meet and chat with old friends as well as many new ones, too. For more round ups and pix of the #NYCookieSwap check out these posts: justcooknyc.com threemanycooks.com  jackiegordon.com HungryRabbitNYC

Oh and the icing on the cake.. I won a brand new Gorgeous 7 quart KitchenAid mixer – Thank you KitchenAidUSA ! My trusted KitchenAid stand mixer has 25 + years on it (it even has the “Hobart” label on it) and she’s slowing down so I’m delighted to be welcoming a new, improved and bigger KitchenAid “gal” into my kitchen! As soon as the new baby comes, I’ll do a post to introduce you to both of my girls.

Here’s a pic of the cookies I brought to the #NYCookieSwap. Caramel Macadamia- Coconut Shortbread.

The recipe is in my upcoming book so I can’t share now but will do so as soon as possible. Promise.

Back to the cookie du jour… Sparkling Ginger Molasses. That’s them up above on the cookie sheet.

This recipe is one that I’ve been making for years and it even graced the cover of the first, hardcover edition of my book The Weekend Baker.  The flavor is astonishingly good – big, bold double ginger (my fave) – and the texture is perfect- slightly crispy on the outside with a soft, chewy middle. My son Alex and my brother Tim both claim these sparkly gems as their seasonal fave and I sure hope you like ‘em too.

I’ll let you in on a few tips..

1. I’ve been known to triple this recipe. You can to as long as your stand mixer is big enough.

2. I’ve also been know to shape the dough into balls, roll ‘em in sugar and freeze ‘em until I need ‘em. This cuts down on time if I’m making  many batches say, for my gal pal’s local cookie exchange.

3. You can swap in the same amount of unsalted butter for the shortening – the texture will change slightly but they ‘ll still be delicious.

4. Unless you like a crisper cookie, resist the urge to over- bake ‘em.

5. The flavor improves and develops after baking, making the gems a great make ahead cookie.

Lastly, this cookie has great #BakeTogether options! Feel free to play around with the recipe and post #baketogether style. Check HERE if you want some info on #Baketogether or drop me a line and I’ll fill you in.

Wishing you all a very happy and healthy HOliday Season – Cheers!

Abby

Quite a shot, huh? Don’t be fooled.. it’s not my photo skills here at all but those of Bon Appetit magazine that pictured this month’s #BakeTogether on it’s December 2009 cover. Gorgeous, yes, but this glam image might make this recipe seem intimidating. I’d like to state upfront that while this cake is a project, it is very do-able and can be – and should be – done over several days. Once you read the recipe, you’ll see that the components are very straight-forward and easy to prepare. And, as always, I’m just an email or tweet away if  you have questions!

Before we get to the recipe itself.. a funny story..

When the recipe first appeared I heard from lots of readers who had questions, who loved the cake, and still some more folks who were looking for suggestions of how to change up the flavors. One such person was Barb Kiebel of CreativeCulinary.com. Barb reached out to ask my thoughts on changing the flavors to suit her tastes (hazelnut and Frangelico, if I recall correctly. Or, maybe it was raspberries and framboise??). This exchange was the beginning of a great friendship that includes Barb’s complete redo of my website (the one you see here). Barb really is the Website Whisperer so reach out if you need an expert – she’s your gal. We are now friends on Twitter and trade comments, “barbs” and foodie observations on a daily basis – such fun.  Thanks B! Here’s Barb’s pre- #baketogether twist on this cake. Lucky Barb gets to make this cake a second time!

OK.. back to the recipe at hand.

Here’s the recipe as it appeared on the December 2009 cover of Bon Appetit As written in the mag, this recipe reminds me of an “After Eight” mint – a more sophisticated mint flavor than using ‘starlight mint” hard candies. This recipe gives you the amounts to flavor it with peppermint but because we #baketogether folks are all about spinning and twisting and changing the recipe to suit our own tastes and preferences, I’ve written the recipe below to be a straight-up chocolate cake with vanilla meringues. This way you are free to choose your own flavors or do it exactly as it appeared in BA.

Will you add a different flavor? Espresso? Raspberry? Caramel? Hazelnut? Orange? Or, heck, maybe a combo of two or more!

Will you make it round? Square? Individual?

Will you de-construct and just use the meringue?  (one note: if you just use the cake, make sure to soak it well in the syrup — its of the French variety so it’s drier than American-style cake.)

How about a different filling? Maybe mascarpone?

Will you make it with fruit in the middle? Raspberries sure would be pretty and pretty tasty.

What about nuts? Include or not.. just make sure to toast ‘em  up so their flavors are upfront and happy.

And what about decorations?? Is this a good time to bust a move with your killer piping skills? Don’t be shy – go for it!

And.. the biggest question: To whom will you be serving this awesome, impressive cake? I hope you include the details of your event.. #inquiringminds !

You know the #baketogther drill, right? Use my recipe as a starting point and spin, twist and change it any and every way you want. Take some snaps, write a post and let us all know what you’ve created using all our fave social media (twitter, FB.. what have you). One change I’ve made for this #baketogether : I don’t want you all to have to wait until January to see everyone’s recipes — you might want to make one of these versions for another party! So.. I’ve included a linky thingy right below (above the recipe) so post your link and pick your thumbnail asap so we can all see your gorgeousness ASAP!

So, for now, I wish you all the very happiest and healthiest of holidays and I’m looking forward to us all baking together in 2012.  Just a hint: I’ve got bread on my mind….

Abby

Via Jennifer Nerissa Davis: Toasted almond meringue and chocolate biscuit, layered with raspberry coulis and chocolate buttercream made with Cacao Barry Cuban chocolate (70%), which has a strong, spicy flavor profile that offsets the tanginess of the raspberries.

My October Rocked with thanks in no small part to all these fab #baketogether coffee cakes. We had 20 + of us baking away in our virtual kitchen this month and the ovens were cranking out warm, variations of my spiced cake. While fruit themes ruled in this month’s #baketogether , there were many other variations: gluten free; pumpkin; muffins; bundts, etc.. Click through and give these betties a test drive and be sure to leave a comment here so we all know what you’ve baked. Don’t forget to tweet your faves and help spread the word about all of the glam-orama coffee cakes — they are perfect for holiday breakfasts and brunches.

Stay tuned for the Holiday edition of #baketogether ! These next two months are busy ones for us all so I’ve decide to extend the #baketogether hours and give us all November AND December to bake and post our variations. I’ll be posting soon so stay tuned and start thinking caramel… and chocolate and press-in crusts… and #baketogether goodness

Best of everything sweet,

Abby

I’ve been working like a baking maniac towards the new book’s deadline and I haven’t had much, if any, time to bake for my friends and family. This always makes me a little sad. No. It makes me very, very sad. Thankfully my friends Ken at HungryRabbitNYC and Jackie at DivathateatNY came up with a brilliant idea to host a whole slew of us in NYC for a Pie Party aka #PiePartyLive . Admission? Come with a pie in hand otherwise the door will stay closed. How great is that? I was so excited to be, finally, baking for fun that I felt like the party was arranged just for me. I was THAT excited.

But, like with any good news, there comes a glitch..there’s always a glitch. It turns out my ‘bum’ shoulder was actually a fractured one that I’d been living and working with for 3 weeks. Sure, it hurt… a lot.. but heck, I’m tough. Well.. the doctor read me the riot act, put me in a sling and said “Don’t move your freakin’ arm, Abby, for 1 week” or, more doctorly words to that effect. .And here I was staring at #PiePartyLive. Despondant at the thought of missing the chance to see old friends, meet new ones and eat a sh*&&^t-ton of delicious pies, I enlisted/recruited/begged my son to do some baking for me.

Now, Alex is no stranger to the kitchen.. he cooks and cooks well (I’ll tell you about his meals during the black out another time) and he also bakes (genetic predisposition, I suppose). His “cinnabon” rolls are legendary and he makes a mean Apple Pie so the kid has some skills and I trusted that he could take on my new recipe for Brown Butter Pop Tarts with Apple Butter Filling. Disclaimer: before you get too excited about the recipe, I’m going to ask your patience. It’s one from the new book dropping 9/12 and my divine and talented editor, Carolyn, would be very, very sad if I leaked the recipe an d the last thing I want is a sad editor.  Trust me, this recipe is worth the wait and I have a testimony from the sampler folks at #PiePartLive to attest to just that.

Making due with  (not great) pictures — taken with my old iphone because I couldn’t hold the real camera -  let me lead you through the process with the self-proclaimed “Baking’s Bad Boy”. Seriously, he had me doubled over with his “schtick”.. too funny.

So here’s “Bad” making the dough.. that’s right, it’s a one-pot dough:

With the dough set aside to cool enough to roll, “Bad” sauteed up the apples with honey and butter until “they tasted like velvet”.. or so said “Bad”. While the apples cooled in their skillet, he moved onto the rolling and shaping. As I said, he’s got some skills but with this dough, he was going to need to take it to the next level and he didn’t disappoint. I know I’m the mom here but seriously… Bad is sooo good. I mean, take a look-see at these gorgeous mini pop tarts. He even used my exact-o knife and ruler — I just love precision baking.

So, with Alex’s help, I was ready to take on #PiePartyLive and I’m so glad I did. I carried my pies down to Rodeo Bar on the east side of NYC (thank you Rodeo – you guys rocked it) on a spectacular October day and had so much fun. There were about 65 pie lovers and at least one pie per person though some were over-achievers (you know who you are Pam.. Ken.. Jackie and more)  in attendance and we had a blast. Eating, chatting, connecting and reconnecting and eating some more was the task at hand and I think we rocked it.

Of course, food bloggers being food bloggers, lots of  great pix of the pies as well as ones of Rodeo’s delicious eats  were taken so go check out Ken and Jackie’s posts for links to all the pix and other recaps… don’t miss a single one.

And in between bites, Ken & Jackie gave away some wonderful prizes — inclduing a few of my books. Who doesn’t love a giveaway? I was only slightly miffed that I didn’t win.. must have been an oversight ; -)

There’s a rumor that #PiePartyLive will take on Stone Fruit this summer.. Don’t tell “Bad” but I’ll have my arm back and he’ll be out of a job… but hopefully he’ll have his own “real” job by then too..

Thanks Again Ken and Jackie for such a fun day.. can’t wait for the next one!

A

September was a rocky month for me – one filled with too many downs and not enough ups. So, I’m looking towards October for a fresh start and I’m in the mood for some old fashioned, comfort food. For me, that means I dust off my recipe box from yester-year (yes, I really still have a box filled with my teenage, handwritten recipes), pull out my most memorable recipes, fire up the oven, grease a cake pan or two and start my baking engines. Are you ready to #baketogether ? I could use the company so I sure hope you are fired up.

I selected Classic Sour Cream Coffeecake for this months’ #baketogether because it is, well,  a classic – one that should be in every recipe box even if yours in stashed on your computer. The flavors are traditional: cinnamon, nutmeg (I like mine freshly grated), butter, brown sugar and sour cream. The method is straight-forward and the batter can even be made with a hand-held mixer (just like my Mom used). It’s these qualities that make it such a great #baketogether recipe. This base recipe is perfect as is YET there’s literally hundreds of ways for everyone to switch things up. It’s the perfect vanilla canvas that’s just waiting for some twisting and shaking.

Want a few suggestions? Mull these over and see what strikes your fancy:

Change the shape. Make  muffins or loaves or even double the recipe and bake in a tube pan.

Change the flavor. Take the “spice “out. Add pears or apples or dried fruit. Try ginger (you know how I love ginger in all forms) or almond.

Change the Streusel. Add chocolate or nuts or oatmeal or ???

Change the sour cream. Buttermilk or yogurt would be delish.

Or.. change ‘em all! It’s completely up to you. Remember, #baketogether is all about sharing your take on this recipe with us – just as if we were all together in one (big) kitchen swapping ideas, inspirations and forkfuls. All you need to do is bake and post your version (pix please too), link back to my post, leave a comment on this post with your link and then share with your friends, readers, tweeters and followers.

I can’t wait to see how everyone spins this classic – I’m thinking we’ll see some serious innovation this month. As always, I’ll post a round up in the beginning of November – I wouldn’t want anyone to miss even one of these variations.

Wish you and yours a very “ROCK”-tober!

Abby

ps. I’d hate for you to miss any #baketogether recipes or round ups so go ahead and sign up for my rss feed. It’s up there on the right hand side.

My Kitchen Wisdom:

• Streusel is made w/ dark brown sugar to offer more contrast w/ the cake BUT, if you don’t mind a more subtle-looking swirl in the cake, it can easily be made with light brown sugar.
• If you weigh your dry ingredients, I love you. If you don’t, I love you anyway… but I hope you will spoon and level your flour NOT scoop and level. If you do the latter,  you’ll add too much flour to the batter and your cake will be dense and you will be sad.
• The cake tastes best when baked a day or two before serving but can also be served warm from the oven.

Thanks again to Barb from Creative Culinary for saving my #baketogether butt by “guest posting” for me as I battled Hurricane Irene. As you heard, #Irene got the better of my electricity for 6 days and, I’ll admit, she also got the better of my sanity for those last couple of days. We are all up and running now and I’m delighted to present a round-up filled with so many fabulous #Irene cookies … thank goodness we don’t need to choose just one. Heck, I’m making them all!

Don’t forget about October’s #baketogether recipe. I think this coffee cake hits the spot but I can’t wait to see how you change it up!

And a final shot of mine… I’m thinking it’s the perfect cookie for Holiday 2011.. mass production here I come.

It’s been a long summer..

Sadly the summer “sighing” continues. No. That’s not close to being accurate. Incredibly, the summer sighing took a turn for the worse these past weeks.

Irene came to visit, even though she wasn’t invited and, like many uninvited guests, overstayed her welcome by keeping us without power for 6 full days. The worst we suffered was the emptying of our fridge and freezer, our sanity tested and the strong likelihood that I grew even more gray hairs worrying about deadlines for Hedy’s book and my own new book. We were lucky. Our house was fine and dry, the kids were fine and the dogs were bored but understanding.

Alex came home from Nantucket, the frig was replenished with the important stuff (butter, cream and wine, in case you were wondering), laundry was being done, Alex headed up to Boston for a friend’s birthday and Tierney got off to college on time (and left her room pretty darn clean!). Barb helped pull together my #Baketogether round up & post the next recipe #IreneCookies. Ok, I thought, a fresh start. September is going to be a great month with lots of baking and writing and catching up with my boy who has been gone all summer.

I woke Wednesday 9/7 having had the most vivid dream about my Mom who passed away on 9/9/79. It was a warm, lovely dream that stuck with me all day, making me smile and teary all at once. I dreamt that my mom was lying on my bed with her legs covered with her orange throw and my little dog Cricket curled up on her pillow by her head. I was seated on the bed down by her knees. I spoke the only words of this short dream. As I leaned over her legs hugging them and said “I could stay this way forever.” Of course, dreams being dreams, much of this didn’t make sense as she died 32 years ago and therefore never saw my house or met Cricket but what was and is true was that I spoke the truth.. I wish I could stay there forever…

me and Mom, 1976 .. check out those rad sunglasses – I swear I have the same exact ones:

That evening, Alex came home from Boston in time for a late (for me) dinner and while we were eating the dogs were out doing what they do: patrol the back 40. What happened that evening is still surreal to me yet, sadly, I face the stark reality of it.

Joe and Cricky:

Joe was barking out towards the woods behind the house – not a crazy bark but still.. I went to call them both in with a cookie bribe attached to the invite. Normally this works like a charm, especially for Cricket who even comes racing in with a slight tap on the window pane. But not tonight… I gave them a few more minutes and, flood lights flicked on, I tried again from a different door. I saw Joe in the distance and very faintly heard Cricket’s dog tags clicking together so I walked towards that tiny sound. And there, just outside our family room doors and in front of our woodpile I caught the glint of Cricky’s eyes staring at me and blinking. She was on the ground, not moving and then I saw blood.

Thank God Alex was home – he was a rock. My rock. He stood with Cricket while I gathered towels and hustled Joe inside – who did NOT want to come in and leave his bff. Alex manned the wheel (on I 95 no less) and drove us to the emergency vet, while I held and soothed our little Cricket. He drove strong and steady even though knowing, I think, that she had already died in my arms. He caught me as I all but collapsed when the doctor confirmed our worst fears. He took point on this shit storm that followed and took control. He held me, called his father, held me some more while we both moaned and sighed. At one point I asked him.. “Did this really just happen? Really?” He solemly said.. “yes really, Mom, really.”

I have no idea how long we were at the vets. I don’t think it was long but Alex stated that neither of us should be driving home in our state so he had me call friends to retrieve us and the car. He was right, of course, we weren’t in any way capable of driving.

Home again with our friends at our side and our Joe was confused. Shit… so was I. I had no voice, no energy, nothing but a strong desire to fold like a cheap suit or throw-up – maybe both. Yes, definitely both. Chris was driving back from Philly and thought we should wait to call Tierney in the morning. I felt as her mom, I should be calling her but my friend Jen rightly so, said that I should not call T as I might just scare her. She was right and Alex played point again.. He said “I’ll call T. We are a family and this happened tonight and we need to all be on the same page and deal with this together as a family.” Alex was a leader and a strong compassionate man that night. He will be a wonderful father and husband. My boy has grown into an amazing man.

We have spent the next days in and out of tears as I’m sure we will for many many days and years to come. Joe seems sad – he’s never been an “only” dog before but we are comforting him as well as each other knowing that grief comes in waves and that it’s best to let those feelings wash over us and accept them.

Today, 9/9/11, I sit here working in the library, thinking about the 32nd anniversary of my Mom’s death, the sorrow of loosing Cricket in such a sudden and violent way, the scores of people who lost so much with Irene, the earthquake, the tragic deaths of Mikey, Ed and Alex’s friend Will along with the families and loved ones they left behind and I keep going back to the dream I had the other morning about my lovely Mom and my beloved Cricket. I wish I could stay there forever.

I’ll leave you with a recipe that I know my Mom would have loved. Actually, it’s my Summer Cake #baketogether cake that I never got around to posting. This is the type of cake that my Mom loved – simple, not too sweet and elegant. And, I know that Cricket loved every crumb that she licked up off the floor..

And then there’s 9/11/11..
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